Tuesday, October 14, 2008
HARVEST MOON
So it is with life--when one door closes, another one opens. I think that is a Country Western song, isn't it????
There are pros and cons to each decision. Once a decision is made and I cannot turn back, I try to move forward. Looking back is a "killer". If a decison can be changed, do what needs to be done. If a decision cannot be changed, do what you need to do to move forward. And in the moving forward, ask yourself, "What have I learned". That is the importnat piece.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Last Post for the NIGHT
That one has older entries.
Second Birth Mom Panel
Brooke placed about 8 years ago. She has to choose a family at the last minute and was amazed that the birth father cooperated with her choice. Although things changed in the end and happened quickly, she doesn’t regret her choice of placement. She is currently married with 3 children (including twins). She sand a beautiful song she has written about being a birth mom. (Hope she has a CD soon.)
Stacey placed about 5 years ago. She struggled with “what to do” until the very end. She lived in a “foster home” situation in order to away from family pressures. She had a great job but wanted more education. She finally found an adoptive couple and decided to place. She has finished her college degree and just switched employment doing a job with some travel.
Janessa moved to the Washington area after placing her baby who is now 1 year old. She has an “open adoption” and chooses to visit her daughter who lives in another state. She says that seeing her daughter it hard—difficult for about 1 month after the visit. She says she made the “right decision”, but wants to see her baby for now.
The girls answered questions that the hopeful adoptive couples had. The panel allows birth moms to educate adoptive couples on communicating pre/post placement.
More FSA Adventures
As we visited, Stacey asked if I knew Emily—a birth mom that Stacey had come across. I did remember Emily and we were saying “it is a small world”. As the conversation and planning slowed, I asked Stacey to go to the LDS Bookstore with me. I needed to have my new scriptures engraved. When we entered the store, there was Michael McLean signing books. He remembered me from last night. (He should have because he had a photo taken with me.) He was busy signing and talking, so I moved on quickly. I had my scriptures engraved and was turning to leave when Emily appeared. She just happened to be in the store with 3 of her children and she was pregnant with #5. I thought it was too amazing that Stacey and I were talking about her and then we run into her. Really small world.
As we visited, Michael McLean came up to me and asked if I needed anything from him. I was puzzled and then realized he probably through I wanted an autograph or to purchase one of his items. I needed neither and told him I great. He expressed appreciation to me for “being in the trenches” and offered a hug. (Tara scolded me later for not getting an autograph for her.)
Michael McLean
Michael’s performance was like a fireside. He spoke about his songs/feelings/learning and then sang the song. He shared his experience of having the Savior closer to his life and how that came to be—he started seeing things differently. He spoke a little of his wife and children. He shared about becoming a “grandpa” and having a new perspective of parents of a placing birth mom.
In the end, Michael invited the audience to sing the chorus with him. We weren’t loud enough the first time, so we did it again. (Does that sound like Primary?) I was glad to sing again because I wanted to get louder and feel more. I was sitting with Tara on one side and my daughter on the other. Next to my daughter was the agency attorney who received an award that evening for being a “Friend of Adoption”. I think he is a great man and appreciate what he does for the agency. The four of us joined arms (Michael’s request) and sang along, getting louder and louder. I felt connected, in that row, to some of the pain that might be felt and the hope for healing. I know my pain isn’t like anyone else’s. We all suffer or feel in different ways. Tara has asked me how I can be so “happy” and I tell her it is a choice for me. I cannot afford to go “under”. Anyway, as Tara said, working with birth moms is painful----YET, what else would we do?
These girls are heroes to me and they deserve to be loved and supported. I choose to be a part of that, even if it means I have to see and experience pain.
I hope that people everywhere, especially birth moms, will find the love, peace and healing they need as they “never forget”.
I AM BOUTING
FSA Conference
Oregon mom shared about the challenges of placing over 20 years ago and the painful feelings of the experience—especially knowing so little. She currently runs the birth parent group for her local agency and shared how difficult it was/is to go back and visit some of her feelings as she works with the birth moms. Her daughter placed two children in the last few years. Her story was told through mom’s experience (BM shy). One painful piece was the way people treated her daughter and as her mother not being able to do anything about what her daughter would experience through this experience.
Tara’s mom agreed that being the grandma was difficult and wishing she could do more to help her daughter. She talked of the struggles her daughter has had through life.
Tara placed over eight years ago and received very little letters/photos from her adoptive couple. Working with the birth moms through her internship has awakened feelings of grief and anger that she didn’t allow herself to feel before. “The pain (of placing a child) doesn’t ever go away, but it has gotten less over the years,” she shared. “I haven’t forgotten my child.” Her sadness comes from not knowing anything about her child. She told the audience to not be afraid of their birth mother, to support and love her. “We aren’t scary”, she said.
Both birth moms are now married. Tara has had a child since placement. The OR mom has a child and announced to her mom that she was expecting. Her husband will be getting on a submarine in a few days and going out to sea. Tell me that isn’t hard.
HOORAY HORRAY HOORAY
Sunday, February 24, 2008
An Idea is Born
For the past few months, I (Tawnia) have been working with an intern (Tara). We call ourselves the TA TA GIRLS. Through all the stress of the work, we enjoy each other. We both have a passion to connect, help, support, and give a voice to Birth Mothers. I have a blog---Birth Mother Heroes, which is where I share some of my experience as a "birth parent worker" at LDS Family Services. Tara placed a child about 7 years ago. She is developing a web page for birth moms. The plan also includes girl talking through the Internet to find personal support and sharing information. I have long felt that Birth Moms are the "un-sung hero". I want to give attention to the "giver" (birth mom), not the "receiver" (adoptive couple) or the "gift" (baby). It is easy to love the baby as the new parents are gifted. It is difficult to sacrifice what you love for reasons not easily understood to others and move forward in life.
This blog is dedicated to you. Please feel free to email me your message to share with others at
In the email, state that you give permission for me to post your comments to this blog. Also include your blog address or email or any other way that you would like to share so that people can contact you. If you have a blog page you want to share, I will put a link on this blog site.
We hope to hear from you soon.
The TA TA GIRLS